...and beyond!

And so the journey ended. Writing currently from my new room in Ridgewood on the Brandeis campus. Missing Edinburgh a little bit every day, but also happy to be back with old friends and familiar activities.

So now that I'm back, people are eager to hear details; I struggle to portray my experience by answering a few questions thrown at me. It's hard to find the words to explain everything that I thought and felt and experienced. I've never really been one who has entertained the idea of a "life changing experience." The idea that one event or series of events could make such a large and obvious impact on me and how I live my life seems simply absurd. I know how hard it is to change my habits and thoughts by choice, and I feel that an experience takes similarly as long to effect change (that is my favorite usage of the word "effect") on my everday life. Studying in Edinburgh wasn't a life-changing experience, but it was a really great one.

Before I left, I was nervous--very nervous. I didn't know much about my program or the people I would meet or how I would be spending my days. I was most scared about my ability to connect with and find people who were looking for the same thing as me. I never really get homesick. I like to have fun in a low-key and informal way, the crazyness and alcohol are not for me. I enjoy so much really getting to know people and myself and creating connections and gaining new understandings. My most recent experiences in meeting new people were less than positive--I felt as if I had forgotten how to get to know people, forgotten the social-norms that allow people to form friendships. Which, now, sounds so silly. It's just hard to get yourself out of a funk when the only thing that keeps popping into your mind is negativity.

From Day One, my experience in Edinburgh was different. I met people that I connected with, and when I looked around I was excited by what I saw. I moved into my flat a few days after arriving and met the four most wonderful flatmates I could have asked for. The illusive culture shock that I had been warned about so many times didn't really hit. Life just seemed to fit, and it was great. With my flatmates and a few others I cooked and watched movies and danced and laughed until my face hurt. We were so different with unique personalities and interests, and it made for all the more interesting tea time banter.

I had some favorite things and places and I felt myself settling in so easily. I spent numerous hours in Black Medicine and Bean Scene, coffeeshops a few blocks from my flat, studying and just hanging out. I went to the gym (what?!) and felt good about myself. I took classes with many less requirements and many more students. I climbed Arthur's Seat five times, each time with different people who pointed different things out to me, making me love it even more. I went to London and Berlin and spent the last few days staying at Frankie's house and traveling to Liverpool and York before meeting the family in Paris.

Kitchen time will be missed more than most other things. For hours, my flatmates and I would just hang out in the kitchen. If someone started eating lunch at 11 and the last person didn't come home until 1, it was not unlikely to find us all there until 2 talking about who knows what. Dinner was the same. Whoever was hungry first would start cooking and eventually we would all end up sitting around the table with our various meals and tastes. Or we would cook stir frys or curries or burgers together. And then before the end of the night we would somehow all end up in the kitchen again for tea. Most often with some rich tea biscuits and always with the most enjoyable banter. I wish I could explain to you the Darroch 3/3 banter and why it will always speak to me the loudest and clearest as the picture of my Edinburgh experience. Making fun of Frankie for her love of cleanliness, Jill for her love for America, Jessie for her Home & Away addiction. Yv coming in with the chat, Fatti somehow inserting sex into every conversation, Monica coming to bake scones, and the more honest conversations--it was a lot of what makes me the happiest. Just banter, or "taking the piss", if you will.

I think there's a lot of different study abroad experiences people have--some are seeking to be thrown out of their comfort zone in a new a different culture, some what to experience what it's like to go to school somewhere else. I think what I wanted and needed was a break and a chance to reconnect--with myself and with what's important to me. Edinburgh was exactly that. I had so much time getting to know myself again and trying to begin to understand where I was and what my next steps are. Of course, it's not to say that all or even most of my questions have been answered. There are still plenty of times when I'm frustrated with my activity or lack there of. But, I feel renewed. I feel more prepared and focused and eager. I like it. It's something to go back to.

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